I’m currently navigating a triggering situation I can’t avoid, and I’ve had to rely heavily on the skills I’ve learned through therapy and my healing journey. This isn’t just a one-time fix; it’s a lifestyle change, a daily commitment. Every day, multiple times, I have to adjust my reactions, fighting my initial thoughts and feelings, and intentionally flipping them to the opposite. Sometimes, it feels like I’m gaslighting myself, convincing myself everything will be okay, even when every part of my being is screaming the opposite.
In this blog I will be sharing the differences that therapy has made in my life and how my life has also had to make differences to make way for the therapy.
Today was difficult for me. There were a lot of actions that triggered me, and my first instinct was to explode— to run away, be reckless, and give up. I felt panicked, alone, and hopeless. I wanted the world to stop and just scream into oblivion. Yet, despite all of that, I fought every urge. I reached out to a loved one immediately and assessed the situation with someone else. This helped me walk through a technique called the RESISTT skill.
RESISTT Skill
Reframe the situation
Engage in distraction
Someone else
Intense sensations
Shut it out
Think neutral thoughts
Take a break
Let’s break it down. Reframing the situation, I tried to shift my perspective, turning the situation around to see it from a different angle. This wasn’t easy, but I worked on wording things differently, avoiding negative language. Reframing is easier when you talk it out with someone else— it helps you look at each part of the situation more factually, without the flood of emotions clouding your thoughts.
Engaging In Distraction, I physically moved to a new location, put on some upbeat music, and made myself a cup of tea. I even forced myself to sing along with the ‘feel good’ music because it’s hard to stay in a negative headspace while singing along to a song that lifts my mood. I’m still not fully okay, so I am continuing to practice this skill by blogging and currently writing this.
Someone Else, I reached out to my support circle, including loved ones and my therapist. Getting reassurance from someone who can view the situation from a more neutral, less emotionally-charged perspective really helped to calm my mind and reframe my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, it can be difficult to hear at times that the situation may not be as ‘catastrophic’ as it currently feels, but hold on with the conversation. Communicate your feelings with a validating source.
Intense Sensations, I focused on the five senses distraction technique, which is where you focus on 5 things you can touch, 4 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste (interchangeable) and top tip, the stronger the smell the more effective the result, as smell is the quickest sense we have that links to the brain.
Shut It Out, Using the distraction techniques above, I was able to block out the situation for a while. I avoided thinking about my triggers and instead focused on small, comforting distractions like reading poetry, journaling, or playing a game.
Think Neutral Thoughts, This is often the hardest part. As I mentioned in the opening, it’s almost like having to ‘gaslight’ yourself into believing the best-case scenario, even when everything inside is screaming otherwise. Affirmations can be incredibly helpful here. For example, if I feel alone, I say out loud, ‘I am loved. I am supported.’ I repeat this and focus on the love and support I have in my life, even if it feels distant in the moment. This allows me to neutralise my negative thoughts and shift my mindset toward something more positive.
Take a Break
When the day feels overwhelming with triggers, I’ve learned to prioritise my mental health. I need a stable foundation before tackling the challenges ahead. Knowing my ‘warning signs’ has been vital in preventing a crisis or split, and by taking a break, I can create the space I need to collect myself. Instead of reacting impulsively, I paused to regain composure, knowing I’d be in a stronger place to face my issues once I felt more grounded. Healing and therapy is also to prepare yourself mentally before tackling a triggering situation, not necessarily just picking yourself up after crisis. It’s prevention too.
Additional Skills to Utilise
Another skill I use daily, not just in moments of crisis, is the Opposite Skill. This involves doing the opposite of what my brain urges me to do. For example, if I want to stay in bed all day, I’ll step outside into my garden for a few moments. It may not be a drastic change, but it’s enough to shift me out of the space I was stuck in. If I feel like isolating, I’ll make an effort to reach out to someone— maybe even a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while. If I feel the urge to drink excessively, I’ll opt for a calming cup of herbal tea instead. The Opposite Skill works hand-in-hand with urge surfing, a technique that helps me control my response to intense urges by allowing the emotions to rise and fall naturally, often with the help of distraction or mindfulness.
A 24/7 journey
I’m trying, I really am working hard on this journey. I usually have to incorporate the above skills and many more multiple times a day, in every decision I make, every reaction I have. I can’t just have ‘normal’ reactions, they have to be practiced and calculated. I often feel that I am rebuilding myself, but what a beautiful thing this is that I can choose who I become.
It’s Okay if it Doesn’t Work
Despite practicing these skills for multiple months on a daily basis, my first instinct is still based on self destruction. It’s okay if these techniques don’t work the first time, or even the hundredth time, even if they’ve worked every time before that. I’m still struggling, which is why I’m here writing this blog now, trying to validate my emotions and understand more about myself whilst distracting myself. Understanding that healing isn’t linear, and that there is power in vulnerability – power in asking for help, power in communicating emotions, power in trying again and again and again is a tool I’ve found extremely valuable.
There is No Destination – YOU are the End Goal
I understand that healing isn’t about reaching an ‘end’ where everything is perfect, but it’s about getting through each day knowing that you do have the power to bring further light into your life, and to shatter the tinted windows that are blocking that beautiful sunbeam from shining right through into your soul.
A Forever Journey
Just like the illness itself, the healing has its own stigmas, which we need to break. We need to acknowledge that therapy has incredible benefits, that mindfulness and grounding techniques can be life saving preventative measures and that the belittled ‘yoga, meditation, affirmations’ can actually make the world of difference. Allow yourself to heal and give yourself every chance. It’s a forever journey, but you’re deserving of the beautiful views along the way.
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